Angry Black Woman

With being Black, there are stereotypes that can attach to you no matter what setting you are in. You can even be deemed that stereotype by doing nothing to provoke such a label put on you. Some Black Americans walk on eggshells just to make sure that they do not perpetuate these stereotypes and others, such as myself, lead with just being themselves. As an employee, but especially as a manager, I exude confidence. Although I am a confident person, I am also conscience of the characteristics that I have – intelligence, wit, heavy voice, serious resting face but most importantly I pick my battles.

Being a manager is not easy. Quick story – after being with a company for two years, and having success with managing four different business locations throughout the pandemic, I was promoted and asked to take on three new locations that needed my guidance. There is nothing I love more than being a manager, but managing individuals that had not been managed in months was very difficult. Needless to say, some employees were not my biggest fans as I had to correct those that were used to freely moving around with no consequence.  Problems the locations faced were swept under the rug by corporate and were left for the next manager to handle.  Unfortunately, I was the “lucky” winner. The company at large had a massive turnover rate even before the Covid pandemic, so retaining good employees to keep the doors open was a huge priority. Knowing this, I tried to recreate the same success I had with my last four locations but was soon met with individuals that did not want me to succeed.

 “A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back.”  Proverbs 29:11

Being a Black woman and a manager is not easy. You are not only examined with a microscope by upper management, but your subordinates watch your every move as well – and I was a team of one. I was the only Black manager and there was no person of color above me. Where I worked, there was a hierarchy within the location. In the absence of a manager there is one position that would step in to be the “leader” until there is someone in place. When I took my place as the manager, the only employees that had a problem with me were the “leaders” of those three locations. It only took about three weeks of implementing rules and not allowing some of the “leaders” to have their way before they started turning on me.

I can honestly say all of the “leaders” talked behind my back which didn’t bother me because that happens all the time but, eventually, it got nasty. Out of the six “leaders” I managed, at least five of them would run to corporate and set up meetings with my boss or CEO to talk about everything they “knew” I was doing wrong. Going to the CEO is wild to me but that is the culture that had been established. When the “leaders did not get their way they resulted to talking freely to anyone that would listen about how I was such a horrible manager. As time went on, the power struggle and disrespect I endured grew more and more. What some of the “leaders” did not like about me was my style of managing and that I treated all people the same, whether you were a front desk, janitor, or a high paid salaried employee, there was no difference. It got so bad that if I wasn’t on site, the “leaders” would speak out against me, and the rest of the staff felt they needed to defend me. At times, it became an all-out war between employees and the “leaders”. Things were bad and I was tired. I was tired of defending myself and I was tired of the division that was being created and intensified by the day.

“Whoever guards his mouth and tongue, Keeps his soul from troubles.” Proverbs 21:23 

Being Black and staying silent is not easy. Until a person shows you their racist ways, you never really know what one’s views are. There are employees that just try to sabotage you out of spite or jealousy but there are those that truly want to see you fail because you don’t belong in your position in the first place.

One afternoon, I had a meeting with one of the “leaders” because of a bad situation she was in with another employee. Because this “leader” was a bit unhinged, I knew to approach the discussion wearing kid gloves. In fact, I sat down, listened and did not say a word. The more I sat there and said nothing, the more agitated she got. She was unquestionably getting mad because I was not feeding her anger. It was not attempting to escalate the situation, but I did not want to engage with someone I felt was acting hysterical.  Since I believed she wanted me to act a certain way, I became extremely annoyed. I stood up and told her, we would talk once she calmed down. As a result of my statement she shut down and said “nope, we won’t,” and she stormed out of the breakroom. That day and days thereafter, she stuck to that, and we never spoke about what happened.

“A man’s pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor.” Proverbs 29:23

About a week later I get a call from one of my front desk employees. She said Toya, I have something to tell you about “leader.” She has said something about you to all of us, since you and her met in the breakroom. I encouraged her to tell me but if she felt more comfortable telling someone else in management she could. She said she could tell me and she went on to say – ““leader” has been goin around saying that you were an Angry Black Woman to all of us.”

Needless to say, I was hurt. What is surprising to me is that I have been called out of my name in regard to being a woman. I have been called out of my name as a Black person but for some reason this cut deeper. For instance, being called a nigger is like breathing to some and when it is said, I think to myself – “is that the best you got?” but hearing those three words, angry black woman, stung a lot. Especially, since I had not acted out in anger with her or any of the other employees since being with the company.  I could not let this go. I called HR and was again reminded of my skin color. HR told each of the affected employees to write statements on what was said and when. All of the employees complied and submitted their statements. I then had a meeting with my boss and the “leader,” where of course this “leader” denied saying it. Again, I am sitting in this meeting quiet because I just knew with the statements and her history of trouble this was a slam dunk – so I thought. She sat there and denied ever saying anything BUT said – “I do think you are angry though.” I still hear her saying these words as if it just happened. Until that moment, I stayed silent, but I couldn’t anymore. In a very Claire Huxtable manner, I expressed I was not angry, just disappointed and dissatisfied with her behavior towards me and my employees/her coworkers.

“Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, For he will despise the wisdom of your words.” Proverbs 23:9  

Being a Black manager with no support is not easy. After that meeting I just knew the final ruling was going to be a write-up, final warning or something! But, nope, I was wrong again as nothing was done. The relationship between the “leader” and myself was on a need-to-know basis with no pleasantries at all. When I would ask my boss or HR what was being done about this leader, I received no answer. As time went on, it seemed like the whole company knew what happened and it was just not a good look for me or the company. With new leadership in place, I asked to have a meeting with the CEO about the situation and that was granted. That day, I was given a lot of what I wanted to hear but, again, discipline was the furthest thing on their minds. This instance not only made me lose respect for my manager, but for HR and the CEO who I had a good relationship with. Things were never the same and I knew I had to leave. No one had my back. No one cared what this lady said or the impact it would have on me or the rest of the staff that knew what she said. But what was more insulting was the finale of it all. In response, the company had everyone take a racial sensitivity training as if the “leader’s” hatred was triggered by my Black existence. I was done. A few months later, that “leader” left the company, and I found another job shortly thereafter.

Forgive and move on.  Why has racism stayed around for as long as it has? Why Black people? Why go out of your way to make someone feel less than? Hate is such a powerful weapon. I could sit here and write a million reasons why things have happened in history but still come up with the same word they surround – HATE. Hate is the reason why in my current job, I move differently. In the beginning I didn’t put my foot down nearly as hard as I needed to because those three words hung over my head. To be okay, I had to make up my mind that those three words were not going to dictate how I conducted business or my life. To move on, meant me having to forgive what that “leader” and the others did to me.

I try to lead a life immersed in the Lord and prayer. When I felt there was no one fighting for me, I knew God was. He is the ONLY reason why I made it through and out of that situation.

Here are some things I did that helped me through:

During my job: I never reacted. It is a natural habit for me to internalize my emotions and in this case, I did. I expressed my disappointment in what was said and how my employees were affected but I never let it show how mad I truly was.

My comfort comes from knowing:

“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”  Proverbs 16:32  

My aggravation was not going to benefit anyone in this situation. Remember God’s got you. I know it is hard to see past the hurt and the threat on your livelihood but when situations arise like this – deep hate that has gone on for centuries—this is not your fight. This has never been our fight. Pray and be Still – God will tell you when to move and how to respond.

 “To me belongeth vengeance, and recompence; Their foot shall slide in due time: For the day of their calamity is at hand, And the things that shall come upon them make haste.” Deuteronomy 32:35

God’s got them. Your battle is His battle, and everyone will reap what they sew through Him – so don’t you worry about retaliating.

I prayed for strength and wisdom to deal with the pressures around me. Trying to be a leader and deal with multiple people trying to actively sabotage and tear down what I was building was taxing. I prayed before and after EVERY interaction.

My comfort comes from knowing:

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

I consider myself a strong person but when difficulties hit, praying to the strongest one of ALL for strength will be the best source that will never fail. Rely on God for strength.

Afterwards:

• I was not strong enough to pray for Blessings for those who were against me. I know this act is hard but, hear me out. I prayed for those who were against me – and I meant every prayer. When you think of Blessings, you may think of something tangible, right? Blessings can be tangible but, as believers, we know Blessings come in many different forms. I wanted them to be blessed with a clean heart, tongue, and mind – a renewed way of thinking. I wanted them to be better and do better so the same thing does not happen to the next person.
• Remind myself the favor God has shown me. Look at all the Blessings that God has given me in my life, in that job and thereafter. There is a lesson in everything and that experience taught me a lot and is still teaching me as I tell my story. 

Every time I tried to write this story I would get upset, but I’m glad I finished. There is someone struggling with a coworker, boss or a person that has hate in their blood – making life unbearable. Pray, pray, and pray. Things may not look clear now, but I promise, things will get better and you will learn to forgive whatever is
pulling at your spirit.

…and the songs go on (to be continued)