My Purple Song
Chosen
September 4, 2023
I find myself in a similar situation that I never thought I would be – and that is unmarried with no children. You could have never told 16 or even 30-year-old Toya that she was not going to be married with children at the age of 42 – but here we are. If you were a follower of my previous blog, you know my story of singleness but for those of you that are new, here is a quick rundown.
The Want Ads
November 5, 2017
37-year-old confident, beautiful, independent, loving woman seeks a God – fearing, handsome, smart, successful, independent 30 to 40 something year old man.
I am a very simple woman who knows exactly what she wants, and I won’t settle for less, and for that reason, I know why I am single. But do you ever wonder why some men and women have everything going for them and yet they are still alone?
"Forever Girl"
February 4, 2018
Last summer I was sitting on my couch watching TV when my phone rang. On the other end was a man that I was seeing almost three years prior, spouting off his feelings of regret — regret for not holding on to me when he had the chance, regret for not following his feelings for me, and regret for not allowing his heart and mind to let anyone in. He went on to tell me what type of woman I was, what a great partner I would be for him, and that he would not mind giving us another chance. I sat there quietly listening to every word, and all I could do was cry.
Do I Miss Him or Do I Miss What He Represents?
December 1, 2017
From age 21 to 27 I was with a man I thought I would share my life with until he messed up and committed the ultimate relationship no-no. Eight years later, I am finally in a good place and have met a man who has made those thoughts of “forever” creep back into my head. The “situation” that I have with this man is far from perfect, with a history that, if I tried to explain, no one would ever believe. Nevertheless, on any given day I don’t know if I am coming or going with him, but what I do know is that I love him. Love is great, but being that I am 37 and eager to start a family, I have had to ask myself – do I love him, or do I love what he represents?
The Fall
August 28, 2017
Monday morning I fell in my shower. My immediate thought was not to laugh, it was not to cry but to look around and wonder who was going to come for me. Truly, my first thought was who was going to yell into the bathroom to see if I was okay. Who was going to come rushing in and help me off of the bathtub floor. Who was there to look out for me? No one – no one was there and it made me sad and until I laid my head on my pillow that night those questions burned in my mind. Who was there?
Angry Black Woman
February 6, 2024
At the age of 9 years old, I had my first experience on what it was to be called Black. I was in music class learning a new song, the Black national anthem and my 90% Black classmates and I were just not getting the song right. My music teacher – one of whom I will never forget due to her not being the nicest person in the world, starting yelling at us in frustration. Moments later, the only words that echoed through my ears were the words – “you people should know this song.”
This is Me...
February 8, 2019
Growing up I was always proud of my black skin. The pure essence of being black made me proud and feel like I could do anything just because by society’s standards I was expected to fail – I have always been a little militant. However, as I looked around and noticed the feature that made me different from other races and even some of my own people I thought made me ugly – my nose.
My Reflection
June 1, 2024
On the morning of March 27th my whole life came to a screeching halt. I sat at my kitchen table with my laptop in que waiting for my endocrinologist to join me for a follow up call. I had some tests done in February and I sat hopeful and optimistic about my future, but I also prepared for the worst. The time came and the conversation lasted only 10 minutes. Those 10 minutes were the longest 10 minutes of my life because after the first minute and a half I wanted to slam the laptop shut, run upstairs and get back into bed but instead I sat there fighting tears. I sat there listening as the doctor told a 43-year-old healthy active woman that she had already gone through menopause. I was devasted and all I could think about was…
